Raising Girls – Is She Becoming a Meanie?
There’s something about girls. Sugar and spice and everything nice is just pure nonsense.
Sure, when girls come together, there’s lots of fun. We usually can talk and talk and talk and there’s things like dress up, pretend play, gossip, and many more! And this starts as soon as one is old enough to hang out together. (trust me, my two girls started all this long ago!)
Alas! This also means the mean streak in girls are manifested in such settings. While I enjoyed all these girly times, I had my share of Silent Treatment (notice the Capital Letters? It’s an official term), no one to go recess with, walk out to the bus stop alone, science lab partner doesn’t talk to you etc.
I’ve cried, not understanding why things are turning out this way. I’ve tried writing notes to say sorry, pretend to read a book when it’s impossible to ignore their chatter, tried to do homework in the canteen so I look a bit busy… but to no avail.
Then as suddenly as it started, it would end. And it’s all fun and laughter again.
As I type, I am aware of me reaping what I’ve sown. Surely I did it to others before, but I honestly don’t remember! It really seemed like only I get the Silent Treatment…
But I know for sure, there’s always 1 in the group (or squad, as they call it now) who decides who deserves the Silent Treatment. This one girl who’s the meanest of all, who dishes out the punishment, who always has a partner for lab, who has never sat alone in the canteen.
Through the years, every generation, every culture, there is this one girl. Of course she grows up, and outgrows all these (maybe some are still so mean throughout). She learns to be kind, considerate, she starts to have grace on others… she becomes n.i.c.e.
Question: During the growing up years, did the parents know how awful their precious princess was? Were they so consumed with the wonderful leadership qualities displayed? Can they see being bossy at 7 ain’t cute anymore? Do they realise those smarty-pants answers she gives won’t be well-received by her peers? My goodness, all those adjectives like Assertiveness, Confidence are good, but they have to be coupled with Patience, being Personable, and have the ability to Communicate well.
If you have a girl, please, don’t just hone those strong leadership skills. Ensure she has the soft skills that good leaders possess too. If not, she is potentially a meanie. What’s worse, it is likely no one would ever tell you that you have a meanie daughter.
I am ranting here cos my daughter is the Silent Treatment recipient for 2017 thus far.
I’m not doing anything about it, cos I know this is part and parcel of growing up. I really wanna look this girl up and give her a big shelling. Of course I’m not going to do that.
I am consciously not doing anything. Even when she didn’t share with me until 2 weeks passed. Even when she said she didn’t share sooner cos she thought she could handle it. Even when she’s missing recess so that she can hide in the library.
But hey, I thought this was an excellent time to build her resilience and faith. It’s a tough time, and what better time to be grateful for all the other good things in her life? Mummy, your cheerleader is here to cheer you on! That’s all I’m going to do… I can do fantastic splits and jumps and many somersaults. But I’m not going into the field. I don’t intend to raise strawberries in my lifetime.
So let it go, laugh it out… these meanies don’t last forever!
I’m not saying only Girls are meanies. I’m sure there are male meanies out there. But in my experience, most boys have a wonderful ability to not dwell and be vindictive.
My intention is also not to correct parenting styles, but to bring an awareness that we parents do play a part in creating meanies in the world.
We all have been there and done that. I don’t like to pop the bubble but I’ve spoken reality to my children about how friendship comes and goes. It needs both ways to work on a relationship. Somehow I think they get it. It hurts but they can move on pretty quickly. Dunno if it’s a good or bad thing haha! Jiayou N1! We still have a friend in Jesus. 🙂
“Do they realise those smarty-pants answers she gives won’t be well-received by her peers?” eh my son is like that ley! Give smart ass answer n rattle on and on and on till the teachers cannot tahan him. Even have to tell him direct and straight at his face to “Stop talking”, bleah….
Boys are more fun! Boys dont have You-don’t-friend-her-if-not-I-don’t-friend-you thingy. BUT boys are direct, luckily they don’t take it seriously, mostly. If they do, aiyo… scuffle on the floor lor, normal lol
I received the Silent Treatment before, even when I was older, I guess it’s happening at every age? Or maybe it’s just me *gasped* Anyway, I think it’s good to just leave it alone and let your girl handle it. Meanies won’t be a good friend if they continue to be mean to her. Hang in there!