I know I know… the title alone speaks of me judging all parents. Nonetheless, since I became a parent, I realised it is so easy to hold a superior ground to other parents, or to make sweeping statements about others just because you have one tiny baby. Now whenever I’m asked for an opinion, I really just say what I would do or choose, and for the reasons why, I’m very careful not to point fingers at those who choose otherwise. It’s not easy, and I’ve to consciously remember to do it sometimes. After all, if it is so straightforward, one wouldn’t need to ask around for thoughts and opinions ya?
In the past 5 months, I’ve had the privilege to be involved in some chats in Facebook groups, Coffee sessions, Discussion group or casual meet-ups. Here are some *shocking* statements I’ve heard that I really feel it’s unnecessary!
I’ve always felt that this classic topic is the primary cause behind post-natal depression. Imagine hearing a fellow Mummy, (or worse, a Daddy!) say, “Never deny your baby Breast Milk. No one else can supply this very important milk except you!”
Or have you heard, “You Must Breastfeed. You must at least try”
Gosh… can’t parents just tell this new mummy that if you can, go for it. If you can’t, it’s ok. Cos it really is ok. There are so many reasons why a breast can’t produce enough milk for a baby. Unless you are well-versed with the person’s breast and milk ducts and emotional well-being, please stop passing your judgement!
Sigh… this one was quite uncalled for. The person was asking, with the kids now, should I get a maid or continue on without one. Some replies surprised me, “A Maid can never replace a mother’s love” or “Our parents didn’t have maid, you can do it too”.
HUH??? Why suddenly having a maid meant replacing a mother’s love? And why is there a stigma if you employ one–that you have a lesser capacity to handle life?
OMG… Can’t one just say, don’t get a maid because it is possible to work out your schedule, or ask if the maid’s role is housekeeping or ferrying kids or loving the kids? Until someone actually says I’m getting a maid cos I’ve no more capacity to love my kids, and I need the maid to do that… I feel, such statements are really uncalled for.
Going on a Holiday with a Baby
Many parents have this dilemma when they want to bring their older kids for a holiday, and there’s a young baby or toddler in the family too. And there are those who say, “You are showing favoritism if you bring (or don’t bring) the baby” [strangely, this statement works both ways!] or worse, “You don’t want to spend the extra money to bring Baby cos not worth it, is it?”
Aiyo… please have more empathy. I think when a parent asks this question, it’s to find out the pros and cons of a decision. Not finding out what you think of the decision. Sigh…
Using a kid’s leash on your child
I know this is a HOT topic… and while many feel strongly for or against it, there are also a large number who are neutral towards it. I’m neutral, and what shocked me was when a judgement is made in your opinion, “Your child’s safety is your responsibility, not the leash” !?!??!
I don’t even know where to begin in my comments for this statement. I hope you see my point!
And of course there are other examples I can cite, but if I do, some will say I’m intolerant over people’s personal opinions and start the whole argument on Freedom of Speech. I’ve nothing against this freedom, and I love to hear other’s opinions and even if its judgmental. However, when it is a casual conversation or chat that stemmed from someone wanting to find out should he or should he not, one just has to be mindful there are people who made the decision opposing to your view. Think of the Caning debate, Organic Food issues, and there’s the growing up stuff like Sleeping Over, Clubbing, BGR, etc. It’s ENDLESS!!
Courtesy please… We all have friends who breastfed and those who didn’t at all. We have friends who have maids and those who don’t at all. We have friends who went on a holiday with baby, and those who didn’t. And we have friends who used kid’s leashes and those who didn’t. I really don’t think you would say to any of them in their face the comments that were made, ya?
I hope I’m wrong, but really, parents can be the most judgmental people in the world.